Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.
1 Peter 3:9 (NIV)
Anger has a way of feeling justified. When someone wrongs you, disrespects you, or treats you unfairly, the anger that rises up doesn’t feel like a problem—it feels like the appropriate response. Like you have every right to be upset, to defend yourself, to make sure they know what they did was wrong.
I’ve spent most of my life thinking anger was simply about whether or not it was justified. If I had a good reason to be angry, then my anger was acceptable. If someone really did something wrong, then my reaction was valid.
But 1 Peter 3:9 challenged that entire framework: “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”
This verse doesn’t ask whether my anger is justified. It asks what I’m going to do with it.
Understanding What Peter Is Asking
Let me be clear about what 1 Peter 3:9 is and isn’t saying.
Peter isn’t saying anger itself is wrong. There’s such a thing as righteous anger—anger at injustice, at cruelty, at harm being done. Jesus himself experienced anger at the money changers in the temple, at religious leaders who placed burdens on people, at hardness of heart.
What Peter is addressing is what we do with our anger. Specifically, he’s talking about the instinct to repay evil with evil, to respond to insults with insults, to make sure the person who wronged us experiences consequences.
The Greek word for “repay” here is apodidomi, which means to give back what is owed, to render, to recompense. It’s the natural human impulse: if someone hurts you, hurt them back. If someone disrespects you, make sure they feel disrespected. Balance the scales.
Peter says: don’t do that. Instead, “repay evil with blessing.”
This is one of the most difficult commands in Scripture. Because when someone wrongs you, blessing them feels like letting them get away with it. It feels like weakness, like being a doormat, like enabling bad behavior.
But Peter isn’t calling us to be passive or to pretend wrongs didn’t happen. He’s calling us to break the cycle of retaliation that anger naturally wants to perpetuate.
The Everyday Anger This Verse Addresses
I want to distinguish between different kinds of anger, because not all anger requires the same response.
There’s anger at systemic injustice, at abuse, at serious wrongs that require action and advocacy. That kind of anger often needs to be channeled into seeking justice, protecting the vulnerable, and working for change. Peter isn’t telling us to respond to abuse or injustice with passive acceptance.
But there’s also everyday anger—the kind most of us experience regularly in normal life:
- Someone cuts you off in traffic and you spend the next ten minutes fuming
- A coworker makes a dismissive comment and you rehearse comebacks in your mind
- Your spouse says something thoughtless and you respond with a sharp retort
- Someone criticizes you and your immediate instinct is to criticize them back
- A friend cancels plans last minute and you give them the cold shoulder
- Someone at church makes a decision you disagree with and you complain about them to others
- Your teenager talks back and you escalate with harsh words
This is the territory where 1 Peter 3:9 becomes incredibly practical. It’s Peter’s challenge to the reflexive nature of anger—the automatic impulse to repay hurt with hurt, insult with insult, wrong with wrong.
Why “Repaying Evil” Feels So Right
Here’s what makes this verse so difficult: repaying evil with evil feels completely justified when you’re angry.
Someone wrongs you, and your immediate thought is: “They need to know that was unacceptable. They need to experience some consequence. They need to understand how that made me feel.”
And sometimes those things are true! Sometimes people do need to understand the impact of their actions.
But here’s what I’ve learned: the desire to make someone pay for what they did, to ensure they feel as bad as they made you feel, to “teach them a lesson”—that’s not about justice or correction. That’s about revenge.
And revenge, even when it feels righteous, doesn’t actually accomplish what we think it will.
When I respond to anger by repaying evil—when I snap back at my wife, when I give someone the silent treatment, when I gossip about someone who hurt me, when I craft the perfect cutting response—it doesn’t make things better. It escalates conflict. It damages relationships. It creates cycles of hurt that keep perpetuating.
And internally, it doesn’t even make me feel better. There’s a momentary satisfaction in “getting back” at someone, but it’s followed by guilt, by continued resentment, by the way retaliation keeps me mentally stuck on the offense.
Peter’s alternative—”repay evil with blessing”—sounds weak. But what if it’s actually the stronger, braver response?
What “Blessing” Actually Means
When Peter says to repay evil with blessing, he’s not asking us to pretend everything is fine or to say nice things we don’t mean.
The Greek word for blessing is eulogia, which means to speak well of, to praise, to wish well. It’s the opposite of cursing—where cursing wishes harm on someone, blessing wishes good for them.
In practical terms, blessing someone who wronged you might look like:
- Choosing not to speak negatively about them to others
- Praying for their wellbeing instead of hoping they suffer
- Responding with patience instead of retaliation
- Seeking their good even when they didn’t seek yours
- Letting go of the desire for them to “pay” for what they did
This doesn’t mean there’s no place for honest conversation about harm done. Sometimes blessing someone includes having a difficult conversation where you name the wrong and ask for change.
But it does mean releasing the desire for revenge. It means choosing to respond from a place of spiritual maturity rather than wounded pride.
How I Practice This When I’m Angry
Understanding 1 Peter 3:9 intellectually is one thing. Actually applying it when anger is coursing through me is another.
Here’s what practicing this verse has come to look like in my everyday life:
1. Catch the Retaliation Impulse
The first step is recognizing when I’m about to repay evil with evil.
When someone wrongs me and I feel anger rising, there’s usually a split second where I can choose: am I going to respond from this anger, or am I going to pause?
Most of the time, my first instinct is retaliation. I want to say the cutting thing, give the cold shoulder, make sure they know I’m upset. That impulse happens almost automatically.
Learning to catch it—to recognize “I’m about to repay evil with evil”—is the first step toward choosing differently.
2. Name What I’m Actually Angry About
Once I’ve caught the retaliation impulse, I try to get clear about what’s actually making me angry.
Sometimes I’m angry because someone genuinely wronged me. But often, I’m angry because my pride was hurt, because I didn’t get what I wanted, because I feel disrespected or overlooked.
Getting honest about the source of my anger helps me see whether my desire to retaliate is really about justice or just about protecting my ego.
3. Ask What Blessing Looks Like
This is where it gets practical: what would it look like to bless this person instead of repaying their wrong?
Sometimes blessing means simply choosing not to retaliate—biting my tongue instead of saying the harsh thing, letting the slight go instead of dwelling on it.
Other times blessing is more active. It might mean praying for someone who hurt me. It might mean choosing to speak well of them even when they haven’t earned it. It might mean extending grace I don’t particularly feel like extending.
The key is that I’m making a deliberate choice to respond differently than my anger wants me to respond.
4. Remember the Promise
Peter doesn’t just command us to repay evil with blessing—he tells us why: “because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”
When I choose not to retaliate, when I choose blessing over revenge, I’m not just being nice. I’m positioning myself to receive something from God that retaliation would cut me off from.
What is that blessing? I think it’s at least partly this: freedom from the cycle of anger and retaliation that keeps us trapped in resentment. Peace that comes from releasing the need for revenge. The ability to move forward instead of staying stuck in bitterness.
When I retaliate, I stay connected to the offense and to the person who wronged me. I keep rehearsing it, dwelling on it, letting it occupy mental and emotional space.
When I bless instead, I’m freed. Not because I’m pretending the wrong didn’t happen, but because I’m choosing not to let it control my response.
When Anger Keeps Coming Back
Here’s something I’ve had to accept: even when I choose not to retaliate, the anger often doesn’t disappear immediately.
I can decide not to snap back at someone, choose to respond with patience instead—and still feel angry later. The emotions don’t instantly vanish just because I chose the right action.
This used to discourage me. I thought if I was really applying 1 Peter 3:9 correctly, the anger would go away.
But I’ve come to see that the verse isn’t about eliminating anger. It’s about what I do with it. It’s about breaking the cycle of retaliation, even when the feelings persist.
Sometimes I have to keep choosing blessing over retaliation multiple times with the same offense. The anger resurfaces, and I have to make the choice again: will I repay evil with evil, or will I bless?
Living in a Small Town and Managing Anger
Small town life creates unique challenges with anger. When you see the same people regularly—at church, at the store, around town—you can’t easily avoid people who’ve wronged you.
If someone at church says something hurtful, I don’t have the luxury of just switching churches and never seeing them again. If a neighbor does something that angers me, I still have to wave when I see them outside.
This ongoing proximity forces me to make real choices about how I handle anger. I can’t just retaliate and move on. I have to figure out how to live with people who’ve wronged me.
1 Peter 3:9 has been crucial in this context. It’s taught me that blessing isn’t just about the immediate moment of offense—it’s about the ongoing choice to not let retaliation define how I relate to people in my community.
The Difference Between Blessing and Enabling
One concern I’ve wrestled with is: doesn’t “blessing” people who wrong you just enable bad behavior? If I don’t retaliate, if I respond with patience and grace, won’t they just keep treating me (or others) poorly?
This is where it’s important to understand that blessing isn’t the same as having no boundaries or never addressing wrong.
Sometimes blessing someone includes having a difficult conversation where I honestly name how their behavior affected me. Sometimes it includes setting boundaries about what I’ll accept going forward. Sometimes it includes stepping away from a relationship that’s harmful.
What blessing rules out is revenge—the desire to make someone pay, to hurt them back, to ensure they suffer for what they did to me.
I can address wrong, set boundaries, and seek change while still choosing not to repay evil with evil. In fact, I can do those things more effectively when I’m not operating from a desire for retaliation.
Finding Bible Verses for Your Emotions
If 1 Peter 3:9 has been helpful for you in dealing with anger, you might benefit from exploring other Bible verses that address the full range of emotions you experience.
Every emotion—whether it’s anger, loneliness, anxiety, joy, or grief—has biblical wisdom that speaks into it. Sometimes we need help finding the right Scripture for what we’re feeling.
That’s why I created The Bible Jar—a web app that connects you with Bible verses based on specific emotions. When you need God’s word but aren’t sure where to start, it can help you find relevant Scripture for your current emotional state.
Choosing Blessing Over Retaliation
I still get angry regularly. I still have moments where my first instinct is to repay insult with insult, hurt with hurt.
But 1 Peter 3:9 has given me a different option. It’s shown me that there’s a better way to handle anger than just reacting from it.
Every time I choose blessing over retaliation—every time I bite back the harsh word, release the desire for revenge, respond with patience instead of anger—I’m practicing something that runs counter to every human instinct.
I’m breaking the cycle. I’m refusing to let someone else’s wrong dictate my response. I’m choosing to be shaped by God’s call on my life rather than by my wounded pride.
And in doing so, I’m positioning myself to inherit the blessing Peter promises—the freedom, peace, and maturity that comes from not being controlled by the need to retaliate.
That’s not weakness. That’s strength. And it’s the kind of person I want to become.